I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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