I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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