Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
