went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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