She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
