I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
