erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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