you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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