Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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