I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize