Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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