Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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