I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Randomize
