bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
