my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Pants are for mortals
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
