His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
