he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
