when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
