She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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