I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize