Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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