Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I currently don't understand fingers.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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