I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
