did you get engaged???
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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