highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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