my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
