i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
