I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
