You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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