im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
