so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize