I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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