I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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