I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
