oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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