ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
