How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
