hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he was CRYING into my vagina
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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