My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
