New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
