I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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