Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Life is so much better after having sex.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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