Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
