Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize