She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
well you can't waste a boner
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
