I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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