Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
