She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
