so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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