She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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