Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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