yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
