fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
