none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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