It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
