Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
