smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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