Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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