Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
