last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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