does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have so many feelings about this burrito
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
