dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
