Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
