That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
