Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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