What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
