you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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