Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
