so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
