Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
