I'm really into asian looking animals
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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